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Monday, August 25, 2008

The 2008 College Football Season Over/Unders

How many times on college football game days do you sit around with your friends and say, "damn, I wish there was a good sports book around here we could go to." Worry no more. That's what Sammy Vegas and A. Rose are here for. Our sports book is not Caesar's Palace. Let's just say it's more intriguing and lacks valet parking.

So we bring you our opening week over/under future bets for the 2008 college football season. All wagers can be placed by contacting Jeffie, T. Rose, or Dr. D.


# of silent heart attacks Mark Mangino will experience during his sleep this fall: 3

# of times Mark Mangino will be declined a life insurance policy during the 2008 season due to failing medical underwriting: 7

# of times Tim Tebow will tell one of his Florida teammates to turn their head and cough: 43

# of boogers Chase Daniel will consume on the sidelines during Missouri games this year: 4

# of times football analysts blame a Michigan loss on the fact that Rich Rodriguez doesn't have a quarterback to fit his system: 8,542

# of times an announcer uses a euphemism for white (like crafty, possession, gutty, etc.) to describe Nebraska's starting receivers Nate Swift and Todd Peterson: 106

# of milligrams of Ritalin the ESPN College GameDay producers crush up and put in Lee Corso's coffee before each show: 100

# of times Beano Cook references a football game from before the year 1960: 38

# of times Beano Cook states Joe Paterno is still the best coach in college football: 31

# of Heisman trophies Beano Cook still thinks Ron Powlus can still win: 2

# of pounds ESPN sideline reporter Holly Rowe will gain throughout the season: 21

# of consecutive weeks Lou Holtz will predict Notre Dame to win: 12

# of Florida State players to be caught cheating on online exams while wearing free shoes from Foot Locker: 11

# of USC Song Girls that get called into Pete Carroll's office for "office hours" this fall: 8

# of Penn State football players to get arrested this fall and not be suspended: 14

# of bong rips Colorado coach Dan Hawkins takes with his team this year after wins: 7

# of BYU football players who will lose their virginity this fall after a win: 1/2

# of times Trev Alberts hires a henchman to break out a window and/or slash a tire on Mark May's car: 53

# of Alabama season ticket holders that have a full set of teeth: 8,253

# of pass attempts Texas Tech QB Graham Harrell averages per game: 81

# of years Kansas State coach Ron Prince signs on to represent McDonalds as Grimace after he is fired this season: 4

# of double cheeseburgers the new Grimace will eat from dollar menu in one sitting: 18

# of college males that will masturbate to a fully clothed Erin Andrews on any given Thursday ESPN college football game: 289,497

# of times the word "parity" is used when referencing an upset this season: 765

# of weeks Syracuse coach Greg Robinson holds the #1 spot on 13

# of times ESPN replays Appalachian St's blocked FG @ Michigan last year during this year's game at LSU: 14

# of times Kirk Herbstreit's sexuality is called into question during the season due to over the top flattering comments about Urban Meyer: 16

# of people at Memorial Stadium who will feel worse about themselves every time Larry the Cable Guy is shown on the jumbotron in his box suite: 84,450

# of gallons of warm Bud Light that will be spilled on the floor of Barry's over the course of 8 game days in Lincoln: 565,788

% of guys that will be at the Brass Rail after a game that graduated from college in the 1990's: 42

% of those same guys that will take off their wedding rings and hit on college girls on O Street like there's no tomorrow: 93

Odds that DXP will make up part of that 42% of the 90's graduates at the Brass Rail after the game: off the board.