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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Do Fox Announcers Make Your Ears Bleed?

And the answer to that question is "yes." After watching last week's national title game on Fox, I think it's safe to say that every college football fan on the planet should be sending ESPN a "thank you" card for coming out on top of the bidding war for the rights to broadcast the BCS games starting in 2011. If you didn't believe in religion before, this is proof that a God does, in fact, exist. But that still means you will need to utilize the "mute" button on your remote for one more year, assuming Fox sends its dynamic duo of Thom Brennaman and Charles Davis to the booth for next year's BCS title game broadcast.

In case you muted the broadcast after the first of 37 "Tim Tebow is the greatest human being on earth" comments, here are some snippets of what you missed courtesy of Awful Announcing:

"Super Sam beat out Superman for the Heisman." - Davis

"These thoroughbreds, these Secretariats, it could tighten up at halftime." - Davis

"Our camera hovering above the field like a humming bird." - Brennaman

"Tebow steps out of major trouble to gain a yard..erm add 5 on top of that for a gain of 6." - Brennaman after a 5 yard penalty

"He comes right across the face of number ten." - Davis

"I got so excited, I thought they were going on 4th down twice!" -
Brennaman
"I should have been there to help you partner." - Davis

"They had 4 games that hit the 500 yd rushing mark, Tebow was one of them." - Brennaman

"That was Louis Murphy, the son of a Baptist Miner...Minerster....stirring it up." - Brennaman

"Oklahoma won the turnover." - Brennaman

"Architectural like precision from Bradford." - Brennaman

"He lost his shoe after losing a defender!" - Brennaman

"If you're fortunate enough to spend 5 or 20 minutes around Tim Tebow, you're better for it." - Brennaman (at least once)

"When Major Wright hits you, you feel it in a major wrong way." - Brennaman

"If this is a tennis match, those are two unforced errors." - Davis

"These two teams have run everyone out of the gym." - Brennaman

"Big decision time here...do you go for it on 4th down?" - Brennaman
"Go, go, go ,go go" - Davis on 3rd and goal. The video of the call is here.

"The field goal is almost conceded where they are on the field of play." - Davis the play before Florida scores a TD to go up 10 from the 15 yard line

I thought Fox could have at least issued a disclaimer for the kids listening. I'm not sure it was appropriate to let them hear Davis and Brennaman make love to Tebow through the microphone for 3 1/2 hours. Listening to Charles Davis televise any college football game is like sending out Lucas at wide receiver in the Super Bowl. Someone in the Fox production team needs to be fired for assigning these two talentless announcers for the biggest game of the college football season. When you are begging for Craig James and Todd Blackledge in the 2nd quarter, you know there's a problem.

Even Google agrees. Searching for "Charles Davis" and "terrible" pulls up 398,000 hits. (Disclosure: googling "double extra point" and "terrible" pulls up 203,000 hits.) And how does the only Fox announcer with any credible experience, Chris Myers, get sideline duty for the title game? It's kind of like having LeBron as the 6th man on the Cavs bench. Makes less sense than OJ's pre-sentencing rant in a Las Vegas courtroom last month.

The gold standard of painful moments in broadcasting came from Frank Hamlin in season one of 'South Park.' And I think it goes without saying that Thom Brennaman has reached that gold standard.