Major hat tip to AJ whose bitter snark never misses a high-hanger in his wheelhouse like this.
According to an ESPN poll, 78% of Nebraskans believe the Huskers will win the Big 12 North in 2008. Welcome to Fantasy Island!
In celebration, here is a list of other things that 78% of Nebraskans agree on.
78% of Nebraskans:
· Decided against naming their first-born son Broderick “The Sandman” only after fearing it would clash with their bohunk surname.
· Think Nebraska’s thriving music scene reached its pinnacle with the “March of the Cornhuskers.”
· Feel it’s perfectly acceptable for a grown man to wear a jersey in public as long as it’s ‘ficially licensed and doesn’t bear the name and number of a player who cost the Huskers a national championship (sorry Walmart knockoffs and Byron Bennett).
· Have a love/hate relationship with that itchy spot on the roof of their mouth.
· Would shoot a bear (or their mom, for that matter) for wandering into town and “not acting normally”.
· Dated a girl with a better throwing motion than Sam Keller.
· Walked-on for a semester in the 80s.
· Think apparent booger picking is valid ammunition against a 41-6 beat down.
· Believe Larry “the Cable Guy” is not only a scholar and a gentleman, but also a less embarrassing ambassador than Matthew McConaughey.
· Played “Sirius” at their wedding reception.
· Have not only fired off an angry email to ESPN, but keep a template on their hard drive, just in case that “bitch Herbstreit gets all uppity again”.
· Would finance a movie based on my screenplay entitled, “Dr. Osborne: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Short-side Option.
· Were shocked to learn “red beer” is not one of the four food groups.
· Have “thrown the bones” after a particularly successful sales call or presentation at work.
· Refuse to have friends named “Eddie” or “George” after Tommie Frazier was robbed of the 1995 Heisman Trophy.
· Have been blindfolded, gagged and suspended from the rafters by a coach, all in the name of “strength and conditioning”. What, too soon?
· Have sported wood on more than one occasion during the “Tunnel Walk”.
Please feel free to add your own in the comments. I had a friggin' blast on these.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
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