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Wednesday, May 14, 2008

78% of Nebraskans Can't Be Wrong

Major hat tip to AJ whose bitter snark never misses a high-hanger in his wheelhouse like this.

According to an ESPN poll, 78% of Nebraskans believe the Huskers will win the Big 12 North in 2008. Welcome to Fantasy Island!

In celebration, here is a list of other things that 78% of Nebraskans agree on.

78% of Nebraskans:

· Decided against naming their first-born son Broderick “The Sandman” only after fearing it would clash with their bohunk surname.

· Think Nebraska’s thriving music scene reached its pinnacle with the “March of the Cornhuskers.”

· Feel it’s perfectly acceptable for a grown man to wear a jersey in public as long as it’s ‘ficially licensed and doesn’t bear the name and number of a player who cost the Huskers a national championship (sorry Walmart knockoffs and Byron Bennett).

· Have a love/hate relationship with that itchy spot on the roof of their mouth.

· Would shoot a bear (or their mom, for that matter) for wandering into town and “not acting normally”.

· Dated a girl with a better throwing motion than Sam Keller.

· Walked-on for a semester in the 80s.

· Think apparent booger picking is valid ammunition against a 41-6 beat down.

· Believe Larry “the Cable Guy” is not only a scholar and a gentleman, but also a less embarrassing ambassador than Matthew McConaughey.

· Played “Sirius” at their wedding reception.

· Have not only fired off an angry email to ESPN, but keep a template on their hard drive, just in case that “bitch Herbstreit gets all uppity again”.

· Would finance a movie based on my screenplay entitled, “Dr. Osborne: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Short-side Option.

· Were shocked to learn “red beer” is not one of the four food groups.

· Have “thrown the bones” after a particularly successful sales call or presentation at work.

· Refuse to have friends named “Eddie” or “George” after Tommie Frazier was robbed of the 1995 Heisman Trophy.

· Have been blindfolded, gagged and suspended from the rafters by a coach, all in the name of “strength and conditioning”. What, too soon?

· Have sported wood on more than one occasion during the “Tunnel Walk”.

Please feel free to add your own in the comments. I had a friggin' blast on these.